Debra Darkinsaw - office manager
“Deb” has been here at MDV for 3 years. This place couldn't function without her. Her pretty smile and ability to eat fruit days after it has spoiled make her an absolute joy to have around the office.
Deb is a lifelong smoker, she had a twin sister, was born with two breasts and owns 14 puka shell necklaces.
Bill Pullman - human Recourses
Bill is a huge slut and has had sex with pretty much everyone in the office, we all agree, that is the only reason she is still working here.
In 1998 she was the first woman to ever walk on the moon with a raging hard on and claims it was the worst day of her short life.
She nicknamed her vagina “Toucan’s clam”
Chef “Huntsville” Dickerson - man on the scene
More brains than penis. Don’t let that discourage you ladies, Chef is heir to the Slippery Wig Jizz wig conditioner fortune.
Hunts is known around the office as “the guy” that can get you anything, as long as anything is a dislocated anus.
There are only 3 things that get Chef wet, and they are all cheese.
Brit Nobgoblynn - shipping manager
“Huge bitch” as she is known around the warehouse is a trivia expert, particularly vintage porn and unaired sitcom pilots. She rules the back of house with an iron clench.
If you have ever ordered something from us, you know what a huge nightmare it can be, if you even receive your order, it is most certainly super late, and the box is more likely to contain used prophylactics than whatever it is you ordered. That is all thanks to our Brit.
Fats Carbuncle - janitorial services
Born a toilet baby, now a toilet man. Fats is the glue that holds MDV together. He is the first one here in the morning and last one to leave at night and the only thing he refuses to do is “go in the ladies' room for up to an hour after Brit was in there.”
Little known fact about Fats: He can taste sound but only if it’s made by Tom Morello. Fats was born in a litter of 7, weighs more than 3 bags of potatoes and almost always smells of badger cum.
Jason - head designer
Jason is 19 years old, and he is a piece of shit, fuck this guy.
Narcy and Braxon Billmouth - social media
These blissfully married tech nerds run our social media department. Our very successful “pubic lice challenge” campaign was thought up and executed perfectly between fuck sessions in their Retro Modern, Cape Cod Colonial home.
The Billmouth’s once threw a party that was attended by 3 ex-presidents as well as famous film producer Vic Lagina.
The MDV slave pit
These are the people who work behind the scenes, for less than minimum wage, to make the magic happen. None of them deserve the time it would take to make up fake names for them.